Cartoonist Bill Leak's version:

(A translation with corrections to John Howard's draft preamble)

GOD help us, for the Commonwealth of Australia is constituted by the equal apathy of all its citizens.

The Australian nation is a nation of blow-ins and we've got the lot here bog Irish, reffos, dagos, wogs, slopes, you name it.

Our vast island continent has a funny shape and a nice map of Tasmania. The spirit of its people is rum.

The place used to be crawling with blackfellas until some semblance of order was imposed by us. Unbelievably, some of them still survive and we honour their ancient cultures dot paintings and so-forth.

We are grateful to all the wogs and Asians who come here because they bring with them their recipes.

Australians are free to be embarrassed about their country and its representatives, as well they should be for our compulsory voting system truly delivers us the governments we deserve.We value mediocrity and venality while all pretending to be mates.

Australia's corporate and feral system of government exists under laws which protect the incomes and dignity of all Australian lawyers and law-makers. Show-ponies, pinkos and wankers are not welcome here.

With a glass of the aforementioned spirit, we, the Australian people, should commit ourselves to an institution.

back